Friday, April 11, 2008

Hole in My Heart

We are all in total shock. Yesterday morning while I was working on math with Danya and Gloria we got an unexpected phone call. Penny and Bunny's caseworker informed us that there was a permanancy planning court hearing for them that morning that had gone very badly. Although the DCFS caseworkers and the Guardian ad Litem all recommended that the girls stay where they are while their families continue to work on their plans, the judge didn't agree. So we had to get Penny from school, pack their things, and deliver them to DCFS by 3pm.

The older girls were all devastated. Penny just kept crying hysterically and begging us, "Please don't make me go!" She hasn't even met her grandparents in years, but she had to go home with them yesterday. I don't know what will happen to the girls, but I made sure that the caseworkers know that we are here if and when Penny and Bunny come back into the system. I can't imagine that in two months' time their grandparents have suddenly learned how to care for children in a safer manner.

We're all just stunned. I feel like someone took my own kids away. I'm trying to hang tough for my family. Hopefully, all the things I keep saying to Danya and Gloria about this being God's plan and a part of being a foster family that we just have to endure so that we can help kids, will eventually sink in for me, too, and help me through this feeling of grief. I want my girls back!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh, those precious girls! I pray they are safe and I'll pray for you and your family, too.

~Terri

I have a good life said...

How hard. That has got to be the worst part of Fostering. They aren't permanently yours. I will pray for them and for you. I am certain that you've made a big difference in their lives already. You are such a wonderful mom to them all.

ShawallaPea said...

Jess, you are made of a stronger fabric than I. That is why in our adoption process I cannot become involved in the foster system. I pray that the girls are loved and well cared for no matter where they are. I pray for the hole in your heart to mend. (((hugs))) and thank you so much for loving those girls.

Dreama's Thoughts said...

Oh girl I pray for you and those girls!!!

Jess said...

Thank you all for the support. We are trying to stay busy to distract ourselves, but everything keeps reminding us and making us sad all over again. I don't even have peace about where they are, that's the worst part. We'd really appreciate it if you'd all keep the kids (all of them) in your prayers.

April said...

Many prayers for you all.

I know someone here where I live and she fosters also, and the stories I hear are so heartbreaking. Each time I hear something new I become more disappointed in the system. They had the sweetest boy he was 11 and he just had to leave them to go to the group home and he will remain there until someone wants to adopt him. She said it had been 2 weeks since he left and they were settling back in. To all the foster parents----you guys are so very strong. There were a few times I thought I could but I know I could not. You do a wonderful thing with the time you do spend with them and I am sure they will remeber the love you gave. One person can be a strong influence in someones life even if the time is short. I hope you guys feel better soon, remain postive for your children and keep doing what you are doing with keeping them busy, kids do adjust fast, so much faster than we seen to as adults.

Glenda said...

We are praying for you too. I know this is a difficult thing to live. My heart breaks for you all.

cami said...

Oh jess, I am so sorry to read this. Sending prayers that God's love will surround them, and you.

~Lisa~ said...

Wow. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I keep going back and forth about wanting to foster and then I hear something that puts doubt in my mind. :(

Prayers for you and your family including Penny & Bunny.